NAUTI TRUTH: the quarantine rollercoaster

When thinking about what to write for this ~wellness wednesday~ I was hitting a wall. Work from home productivity? Fun home workouts? Self-care? All of this is valuable during this time but, after reflecting on what this strange time has brought for me, I wanted to write about what has probably been the most confusing and challenging aspect of quarantine for me- the rollercoaster of feelings. If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone in this. I know all of us are “going through it” one way or another right now. Everyone’s experience varies. However, I hope this personal reflection serves as a reminder to be kind to yourself. It is more than understandable to be challenged by the many moods of quarantine. 

First, let’s talk about denial and anger :( On my last day of on-campus undergraduate classes, I was still deep down in denial that my time at SDSU and the semester as I knew it was coming to an end. Looking back, I almost refused to really believe more than classes were going to change. I am a pretty realistic person in most situations but this just felt unacceptable. As more and more events, big and small, were cancelled, I became furious at being cheated out of a normal graduation, senior “lasts,” and most of all- precious time with friends who became like family over the last four years. If you had told me a year ago that this would be how my last semester would go, I would have laughed. It is truly crazy and completely out of the ordinary. 

Next up on our rollercoaster- stress and fear. Stress has flared up at a few key points- feeling out of control of my living situation, the constant adjustments of school and work moving online, and ordinary life stress on top of all the fresh challenges. Fear typically sets in when 1) I watch and read the news excessively and 2) when I get deep in my imagination and worry that this will go on far longer than we all hope. For my type-A control freak nature, working through feeling out of control to such a degree has had a deep learning curve.

On an uphill note, feelings of acceptance have been thrown into the mix. Accepting that things overall aren’t going as planned, accepting that FaceTime and Zoom just have to cut it, and accepting that things aren’t going to be 100% normal in potentially months have all been individual challenges. The light in navigating these and others, have been the silver linings. Trust me- I am not glad we are experiencing a pandemic by any measure. But, so many good things are still happening every minute of the day and if you look for them in your own life and in the happenings of the world, it makes the acceptance processes a little smoother. Consciously practicing gratitude is an excellent form of self-care and builds grounded perspective, especially now. 

Waves of acceptance have gradually led to moments of hopefulness and optimism. Seeing any progress made on a world stage, optimistically planning small things to look forward to, or successfully having a productive and/or fun day even once during a rough week, are all highs on this emotional rollercoaster. If you are thriving for a day, a week or this whole time (share your secrets)- that is amazing! Just remember, now more than ever, that your “best day” might not be everyone else’s  “best day” and that is completely valid and acceptable. It is also acceptable that tomorrow might be your roughest one yet. No one has this perfectly figured out. Everything is rocked right now, including all of our dimensions of health and wellness. Take your highs and lows in stride, support each other, and be kind to yourself. We will be okay. 

LIVE NAUTI

XO

Crista