Turkey Talks
As we all know, the food fueled holiday of Thanksgiving is upon us. We all also know, reconnecting with distant relatives, and those of different views, is difficult and can lead into an awkward dinner. I know Kaylie covered a few key strategies to not make those conversations so heated, but I thought I’d elaborate more as I don’t think any of us wants turmoil at Thanksgiving.
I’d first like to acknowledge, however, that even though this day is historically marked as a day to give thanks and celebrate each other, this day was not a day of thanks and celebrations for the Native American tribe, the Wampanoags. As more colonizers came to the Wampanoag’s land, their resources became depleted and exploited and disease spread rapidly. Therefore, as we give thanks on this holiday let us acknowledge and remember the reality of this holiday.
Now, how to have a civil and unheated conversation at the dinner table:
Be mindful and aware of your body language. I know it is hard to keep an engaged face and respectful listening techniques when you don’t agree with the person you are talking to. Rolling your eyes and laughing will only exacerbate the touchy conversation. Keep your body under control and make eye contact to make sure the other person won’t start raising their voice because they feel disrespected.
No side conversations. Keep engaged with the person you are talking to. Don’t go on your phone to text someone about the conversation. Try not to have two conversations at once as well. If someone would like to join the conversation, respectfully invite the other person in the conversation while making sure the person you are talking to is ok with it as they might feel double teamed or outnumbered.
Find common ground. If the conversation starts to get high tempered, take a breath and bring up a topic you two agree about. This will simmer both attitudes and both will feel more relaxed and heard.
Ask questions. Don’t ask rhetorical questions that will upset the other person, but do ask questions if you are confused on a topic or think you need further clarification. In a heated or heavy conversation, many people may lose their place in the conversation or start messing up their wording as thoughts may be running a mile a minute. For example, a good clarifying question to ask would be, "What experiences have shaped your thinking on this issue?"
Be the bigger person. Even if you’ve been completely civil and respectful, some people may not be the same way and resort to anger and attack words. If this happens, wait a minute to see if they will calm down and if they don’t, politely excuse yourself by saying something along the lines of, “This conversation is heated. We can resume when tempers are down.”
Do not stand for homophobic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, classist, misogynistic, or any other degrading or dehumanizing slurs or words. You know why.
Good luck!
Ashley <3
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